Oh fuck.......I feel like I am slowly but surely losing the person I love most due to my inability to communicate...I think. I gotta get my shit together folks really, the best thing that has ever EVER happened to me just (may have) walked out of my life. The thing is tho, all of this could've been avoided if I (me) had stopped being a paranoid psycho bitch. That saying "if you think its too good to be true it most likely is" total fucking lies. Lies. This is gonna sound super cliche but, if I could somehow...ya know, turn back the hands of time I wouldn't be a crazy psycho bitch. I'd just be Kiana ya know? Simple changes for a way better outcome. 

Who knows where I'd be right now if I'd just listen to my gut? Millionairess? Ivy leaguer? 5th grade spelling bee champ? All major wins in my book.

If he was reading this ( I know he's not) I'd tell him "Babe, I know I was being a crazy bitch and I apologize, you see I was just really afraid of losing you. You're the mac to my cheese, the Rhianna to my Drake (or the other way around right?) the James to my Florida. I need you. I wouldn't be living if you we're to leave my life, I barely existed before you came but you see you saved me. You made my days worth waking up for. You taught me so much stuff. We've had so many great times together. I don't wanna lose you. I know I'm crazy but I'd totally get counseling 2 to 3 times a week just to have ya back in my life. :(

Le sigh. I'm off to die now.